Major Failure – been using it for 5 days!
No More YouTube No More TikTok- No More FB
MAJOR BLIP – been on social media for 5 days straight, even tho I am writing a blog about giving it up!!
DAY 34
I used TikTok and YouTube. (Facebook wasn’t used as I find it boring anyway…)
Ok so here I am – reporting my failure – trying to regain control in writing to ‘you’ again – I feel I still want a different way to life but I clearly don’t know how to achieve it successfully…
One’s things for sure – I’m not going to go on social media today. Feeling annoyed at myself.
My reasoning I failed (this time)
5 days ago a stranger addressed me warmly by my name when I had no idea who she was – – when she explained she knew me because she watched my videos online I was relieved of my confusion
This was terrible for me trying to leave social media as she praised my videos and told me she always refers her clients to watch them…
Uh oh!! Grrrrrr
Addicted, curiosity and FOMO kicked in instantly
I immediately went back on my channels to see how they were going- how much money I was still earning from them (£104) & I started making videos again that day!
And ….I’m back to where I started.
Kinda….
The first two days I was making videos and posting them – watching them – making sure they were ‘liked’ etc
Then the 3rd day I started scrolling. This is the bit I’m most annoyed about – because I have wasted my time listening and watching stuff I really don’t need to know in my life…
I caught up with all the Katy Price Divorce Drama – watched videos online about the Russle Brand Story and then even started following and learning about other celebrities I’ve never even known about before, and how they are in trouble or divorcing.
My house is untidy – my kids had a fight and broke a phone – I feel disconnected from people as I haven’t really texted anyone. Im basically just back to where I was at the very beginning and feeling exactly the same as before…
So today – I’m not going on – in fact – I’ll delete the icons now – – – – – done!
So…
What do I want to achieve from today?
Well I’m working a bit – not much – but I’ll do that. I need to tidy my house – I’ll do that – I need to buy my kids father a present for his birthday so they can give it to him – I’ll do that. I need to see my elderly father and do his washing tonight – I’ll do that.
I think my haphazard life basically just needs some more order, some more organisation.
I’m 45 in December. I think I just need my very “take it as it comes” life to be more organised and understood. If I float about, day by day, I am not structured and I feel I get bored…..
Ive never “done anything on a Tuesday” or had a regular thing I do on a Saturday
I have enjoyed a ‘free life’ in some ways – but as I get older this isn’t working for me anymore… I feel bored and then I fill it will the laziest dopamine there is – social media and scrolling
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS – I know there is!!
I’m going to think now about how to structure my life – maybe do things on certain days – have a diary and put things on it – that’s easy in 2 areas that’s happened recently anyway as I now see my dad on a Sunday and Wednesday and my new exercise class is on either Tuesdays, Thursdays or Saturdays – so that’s a good start.
I’m starting to think whether i choose one day to make a video too – I’m clearly not ok with deleting everything I’ve done and I do enjoy making them and clearly making the money – albeit not much…. But this is always my downfall taking me back into scrolling – but if this is organised and understood on a certain day then I may be able to get a handle on that too. (I’m going to think about this carefully – as this is my major downfall for all my blips) atm I better step back for a week or so.
Day 34 is today – NO SOCIAL MEDIA today.
This means I will have time to
- Get ready
- Do my make up!!!!! Been so lazy with this recently – why? I don’t know yet?!
- Feed kids and tidy house a bit
- Go to work
- Buy the present
- Come home for tea and sort kids school stuff for parent change over
- Go back to work
- Go to dads and do his washing and chat
- Come home and read my book (as that’s not been read for 5 days due to scrolling!)
I’m not going to call this DAY 1 and reset like they do at AA – I’m going to get to 365 days and report everything that’s happens this year with my journey to have a different life that’s doesn’t get ruled by social media
