Ingrained habit GET LOST! I’m undoing you!!
Reaching for my phone out of habit at 6am….
NOPE! I don’t have the icon ‘YouTube’ ‘TikTok’ or ‘Facebook’ now…I’ve given up remember!!!!
Time to get dopamine somewhere else m8!!!!!!
Hmmm
It’s 6.13am – my alarm has been snoozed twice
In my limbo of being in between ‘awake’ and ‘asleep’ Ive now already had 2 ‘attacks’ of fear and panic that I won’t be on Social Media today….
That’s pretty sad …. (Groan….)
What am I to do with all this ‘free time’ I already seem to have buckets of?!?
I make some money from social media, talking about my job – but one of the platforms gave me the worst pay out ive ever had this month at only £19…, so now im REALLY THINKING – “are the hours worth ALL the input”….
NOPE!!!!!!
31 days of daily videos for £19…. Yes that’s the worst payout I’ve ever had as i usually get around £100-£150 a month from both platforms I’m on…
but…..!
… thats a sign surely …. It’s a sign to reevaluate what I’m doing with my life and what I spend my precious time on….
I tell myself, this new ‘blog’ on WordPress is the ‘reality’ and ‘realism’ of the issue –
Bringing attention to either the ‘deep complexity’ or ‘stupidity’, of the human mind….
But is it just another replacement cos I’m bored already….?
I wonder though…
Will my ‘fans’ on the platforms I create on wonder where I am…. I have around 30,000 followers in total …..Or is that the addiction calling me back to look – giving me a valid reason to make sure people don’t worry about me…. Hmmm – im sure they don’t think like that at all!!!!
Is being without social media about learning how to BE peaceful and calm?
Is it about stepping forward and figuring out what hobbies I enjoy as a human being and actually doing them?!
Is it about seeing loved ones face to face?!
What will I miss…..what do I fear?
….do I fear not making a video today? – Not posting about work today and not having ‘something’ to do today in my spare time.
Am I scared about Breaking a ‘set in stone’ habit? Am i scared of Change? Difference? Do I have Fear of what else there is… or isn’t, as the case may be?
Do I Fear the nothing? Fear the silence? Fear the void? Fear peace? Fear calm?
Surely there’s more to life than a phone constantly in my hand….
What do other people do?
What did I do before Social Media?
I’m 45 in 3 months. I remember life without social media don’t I?
What I really need to achieve is having the habit of NOT having social media in my life. That’s the aim….
I ‘reached’ for my phone at 6am and panicked today
But…
the spiteful teenager I have inside me will win this fight today – she’s irritated by this silly addiction – so today will be easy from now due to pure stubbornness….
Day 2 begins – 6.25am – coffee on with 5 mins to spare before waking the kids….
