No more YouTube No more TikTok-No more FB.

I think my brain is rebooting…

Day 4

I’m DREAMING. I know i mentioned this yesterday but wow, I’m dreaming!

My alarm goes off at 6am every work day and today I snoozed twice on purpose to squeeze a little more out of my dream state!

What fun that was!!!

I think my brain has the space! The time – The ability to work now that I’ve disallowed Social Media to corrupt it everyday!

The space and time I have now have not endless making videos and editing them, posting them and checking for likes and comments….

The space and time I now have for not checking whether Katie Price has divorced ‘another one’…

The utter rubbish I’ve been piling into my mind every day – most hours… my poor mind hasn’t been able to do its job properly for years I think……

So – my ‘symptoms’ at day 4 (with honestly)

High anxiety! –

Ok so my car broke – I need it for work – I had to hire a car immediately – the car is going to cost £3000 before the end of October plus the hire costs of the other car….

I have deep stress about that….

The positive about this stress – I don’t have time to be bored and reach for Social Media – there’s too much to plan with getting the car to garage and worrying about making more money to pay for it. I have a hire company in my life and need to make sure they are paid and the car is kept sound whilst I use it – parking worry’s me due to others hitting it!!!

So anxiety is high …

My anxiety is also high from looking after my elderly father (91 soon) his wife died and I am now doing his washing – dealing with his emotions and trying to sort him a new place to live and even though I’m working every hour God sends he doesn’t want to view the properties on his own……. That is very difficult for me as I have no spare time at all without cancelling work

My anxiety is very high for this too….

However the positives from this anxiety are: I’m getting stuff done – in the hell of the anxiety I am proactive and fast to get myself out of the anxiety. I seem to use anxiety to act quickly and find the answers to get calm – so I’m starting to see it as a positive

My anxiety with my car drove me.. no pun intended…. To get a hire car and organise very quickly

My anxiety with my dad is making me gather the family to see if they can help with the viewings

I clearly can’t stay in anxiety for long – I’m seeing that anxiety is being used to be proactive and sort stuff quickly to get out of stress

I like that! It makes me feel like a decent human being – A ‘proper GROWN’D up’

I also have a partner to look after in emotional ways and two nearly teenage boys!!!

Some Positive symptoms at day 4 free of social media…

SLEEP IS EXCELLENT! I know cos I can feel it – I am falling asleep in a beautiful calm way – not watching YouTube to literally pass out to every night – no person talking in my face or ears until I fall asleep – the silence – the softness of my bed and pillow – the deep sleep and the easy awakening… the DREAMING! Oh gosh – I’m enjoying the dreaming!!!!!

I haven’t felt bored enough yet to feel a pull to reach for Social Media to be a consumer of it – I’ve had too much on my plate to be bored with work and everything else ….

But being the creator I’ve thought about everyday. ..,

I’ve thought about whether my subscriber count is still going up… I wonder if people are starting to notice I haven’t posted now for 4 days (which is unheard of) I’m wondering if people actually care or even think about it – my ‘fans’….. what is a ‘fan’ on a comment section… black and white letters sometimes saying nice stuff about how I’ve helped them….

Who helps me?

I have thought about the loss of money from not being on Social Media (just £100-£150 a month if I’m lucky)

The work load for this measly amount of money is not balanced or correct. 31 days of pretty much constant work for £100-£150 IF IM LUCKY. One platform paid me an all time low last month of only £19 for a full months work…

That makes it easier to step away – that’s for sure….

It’s a ‘jail’ to think “I must post!” – and I hate the fake person the internet makes you start to become. ‘They’ want you to present in a certain way, to be a certain type of person

‘They’ (the mystery people online I mean) push you and mould you to be what THEY want you to be – it’s slow and almost creepy as they mould you….

You try hard to ‘be yourself’ but you can’t – it’s impossible.

You post everyday and they micro-manage and change you with their comments and their ‘likes’ so you become what they want you to be for them…

I tried so hard to not be a ‘face’ on there but ‘they’ start to change you…. i promise- if you watch someone online who posts all the time – they are not the authentic person they are seemingly being – absolutely no chance! They are a version of themselves for you, the viewer.

It reminds me of the restricted person you’d be in front of ya nan, or something. No swearing in front of nan!!!!!

That is another reason why it is time to leave – I was losing my identity. I was losing ‘me’ I was becoming what ‘they’ wanted me to be and that felt horrible to dishonour myself

You can’t be ‘real’ –

My identity to them was that I ‘chose’ (or they made me) want to be peoples ‘light’ – people’s ‘escape’ – peoples ’laughs’ on a bad day

but hold on…..MY step mum died 4 weeks ago… MY hamster died last week – I can’t smile today and don’t want too…. so what now – do you really want me to shove that down somewhere and forget it because I need to be YOUR light – YOUR escape…. I can’t do that anymore

It has made it easier to walk way from a character I wasn’t….. so I’m using that as a positive to leave Social Media .

I didn’t like the jail that the platforms make for you either. “Post everyday – keep their attention in 1-3 seconds with a HOOK – then don’t post for more then 3 mins and CERTAINLY NEVER OVER 8 Mins – 15 mins can work for some but never ever over 35 EVER!!

Pffffft….

Who am I making the videos for now anyway…?

Me?

Them?

The platform?

I actually can’t answer that question because I don’t know yet – maybe I will as I continue to be Social Media FREE!